If you knew my parents, you would understand the title. If not, then you might want to read.
I have always been musically and sexually influenced. Growing up, my dad was the cool dad who pissed all of the neighbors off because of his loud music and sarcastic trap, while my mom was what my friends called a MILF.
My mom should have had the option to stay in the 80's. Her favorite music ranges from Barry Manilow, and Sandi Patty to Blondie. She still acts like she is 18 years old on the inside, as well as shows it on the out. She wears revealing clothes, and she has tattoo's on her back, ankle, and hip. She still gets a thrill from doing things her mother would disapprove of like getting a belly button percing and is perfectly fine with her children doing the same. She styles her hair like Olivia Newton John, but has a southern accent from hell.
She tends to take jokes too seriously most of the time, but she wouldn't be mom if she played along. My mom is a quiet person when it comes to showing her emotions. She would rather sit there without saying a word so that she doesn't hurt anyone's feelings, instead of speaking up. It's sad, but true.
Nearly every weekend throughout my 6th, 7th, 8th and 9th grade career, I remember life being like a party. My parents would invite everybody and their mama over to grill out, drink a little, and jam. It was all good fun, and kept our family pretty close. My mom would dress up, put on make-up and just be hot like no one's business while my dad was the full time DJ. Everyone knew better than to touch the radio when dad put something in to listen to. It was almost like a laughable sin when they seen the 'deer in the headlight' expression on my dad's face that was always followed by 'Who in the hell touched my radio? They must have a death wish!' He never got mad, just joked around and picked on us about the 'crap' we, the kids, put in to listen to.
We would set up a strobe light in one room and dance until our hearts were too tuckered out to do anything else,or watch and listen to the older people sitting around outside on the patio, drinking, talking about good times, and laughing until we cried. The music was loud, the conversations were funny, and everyone went home happy, if they went home at all (sometimes people stayed at the house so that they didn't risk drinking or driving).
My dad is a truck driving classic rocker. He can tell you nearly any song title and artist you ask him, and then turn around and tell you exactly how to get to Kalamazoo. He is also a down home country boy with all the right stories to tell. A song for every story, a story for every song. My dad has his typical rotation of CD's. It strands from Poisons 'Greatest Hits', and Journey's 'The Essential Journey', to Brooks and Dunn's 'Red Dirt Road' album.
There are a couple of songs that my Dad would play in the middle of the evening's events that calms the mood some, and center's everyone's attention on life. Everyone typically knows that when those songs come on, that it's time to settle down and think of where their life is headed, or where it has been.
My Uncle, may he rest in peace, passed away a few years ago. There is a song by Kenny Chesney called 'Who you'd be today' and every time my Dad hears it, he sits flipping through memories in his head of his childhood, and cries like a baby.
My Grandmother, may God bless her soul, passed away only a few short months ago, and every time my Dad hears the song 'Bridge over Troubled Water' by Simon and Garfunkel, he again has tears streaming down his face, snot running from his nose looking back on the days where he and my Grandmother would sit beside the fence at the airport in SC with their picnic, and watch the airplanes take off and land all afternoon. My dad was always fascinated by planes, and flying, but the Air Force wouldn't accept him because he has only two finger's on one hand.
He has been a huge inspiration in my life. He shows his emotions, and isn't ashamed to do so. He just shows them in a different way. Rather than saying it out loud, he expresses himself through music.
Life wasn't always the pretty picture growing up. The parties that I spoke of before happened, but all we did was provide the space to do it in. The people that came brought the drinks, and most of the snacks. It didn't matter what is was or who it was, or even if they brought anything, just that we were all hanging out and having fun together. We didn't have a lot of money, and all of us children understood. We were raised to respect and love the things we had, because there is no promise for tomorrow. My mom hates this saying still today because my father is a truck driver and isn't home but on some weekends, and she doesn't like thinking about not having a tomorrow with him. My Dad lives by it because it's something my grandmother taught him and he is always traveling and trying not to lose track of what is important in life.
With the stress of raising kids, and getting caught up in life, my parents would of course have their meager arguments. It usually started with my Dad. He would say something stupid like the smart ass he is, my mom would get hurt feelings, and go to their room. He would then blast something like 'Second Chance' by .38 Special extremely loud throughout the house. About a minute into the song, she would slowly walk into the kitchen like some shy school girl, he would grab her, kiss her, and before you know it they were smiling at each other, and dancing around the kitchen like the were at prom. No matter what, by the end of the night they ended up dancing to Barry Manilow (My Mom's favorite artist of their time) and acting like nothing ever happened.
After they would go to bed, we listened for anymore music such as 'Love of a Lifetime' by Firehouse, or Mr. Bigs hit song 'To be with You' and we knew exactly what they were doing and reminded ourselves that we shouldn't go anywhere near their room for the next week; two weeks to be safe.
My parents have always been open with us children about sex, and they were always more than happy to gross us out every chance they got. I thank them for that. If they had not, then I would not know near as much as I know now.
It's only natural for my parents to pass down their traits to their children. I think I got the best end.
My oldest sister got the wits, and sense of humor from my dad and the compassion from my mom. She is probably one of the smartest, funniest, most tolerable people I will ever know. My oldest bother got the confidence from both parents, as did my second oldest sister. They both have bright future's ahead of them if they choose to follow what they believe in, and just keep going. My next brother got my daddy's 'life's too short' attitude. He lives his life one day at a time and thanks God for waking up the next.
I'm the baby, and I got to watch as I grew up. I watched everyone make mistakes, and fix what they had broken. Life was a big learning process for me.
They both passed down something very important to me. They have taught me that love is a big part of life, you shouldn't abuse it. They have also passed down their music traits. I listen to music like it's a religion, and I relate it to life. Being a teen fresh out of school, I need my family, but I need my music. It's how I express myself. There are so many songs that leap out me and say 'I know how you feel, you aren't alone' and when I hear them, I know that life will works itself out no matter how stressful things get. Music has been a huge part of my relationships as well. I was recently in a year and a half long distance relationship with a guy and based it off of a certain song. The song was 'Wait for you' by Theory of a Deadman, and I didn't realize how much I really listened to it until I didn't listen to it anymore. Music seems to be my trance. When things get bad, I turn on music and slip away from reality. The type of music depends on the situation. If I miss one of my parents, I listen to something they would listen to if they missed me. For my Mom, it would be 'Copa Cabana' -Barry Manilow. My Dad, Butterfly Kisses- Ray Carslise. If it's a relationship problem, I resort to rock songs that are full of pain and suffering. If it's life, I find a song like 'Something to believe in' by poison and rock out.
I just hope that my future husband likes music. If not, he is going to hate hearing 'I wanna sex you up' by Colorr Me Badd or 'Let's get it on' by Marvin Gaye when I get horny and want to have sex.
Thanks Mom and Dad. Sometimes, you guys rock.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Living. Learning.
My parents were going through some pretty scary financial problems, and were taking care of my two sick grandparents, as well as my 20yr old brother so I moved in with my sister the Christmas of my senior year to relieve my parents of the pressure. She soon had to get a job to help take care of me. I offered to get one, but I had school to worry about and she had been stuck in the house for 7 years being a stay at home mom to her four children.
I turned 18 in June of the following year. I have just graduated high school 12 days earlier, on my sisters birthday. I still lived with my sister, and was babysitting her kids and doing housework while she worked, to pay her back for me living there. As in, she was paying for my cell phone, my WoW (World of Warcraft) account every month, my use of internet, food, electricity, and of course their house, which I was also living in. Yes I agree, that’s a damn good deal right? I mean seriously, how many 18 yr olds would love to lay around all day and do nearly nothing but have everything. 90% of them! I’m part of that 10% that doesn’t want it. I wanted to get out, get a job and do things my way. Learning and living. I wanted to do things myself, and get things myself. I seen it as; if I had a job, I could buy my own stuff, save up and get out on my own. This is the one thing I want more than anything. I wanted to have a vehicle, and I wanted to have my own place so that I didn’t have to ask anyone’s permission to do anything, ever. I was 18 years old, I never got to go do anything with my friends because I didn’t have any money, I didn’t have my license, I didn’t have a vehicle, nor the time to do it because I was always babysitting. Yes, I had a phone, and a game that I could play to kind of keep me entertained (because my bf played the same game), but I wasn’t happy. I was content, but I lost myself taking care of kids, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and playing an interactive game online. I wasn’t fun anymore. I had then realized why my superwoman of a sister asked if it was ok that she got a job to get out of the house.
At first, I was fine. I have always been a pretty happy person who likes to have fun not matter what else is going on. I joked around, laughed, played with the kids all the time. But I became bored. It seemed so routine and I hated it. My sister would get home from work with her new things from shopping, and I thought it was awesome, but then found that I began to think that she was rubbing it in my face what she got to do while I was home watching her kids. She didn’t mean it that way, and I know that, it just felt like it. I felt limited to everything else from the outside world, and then to see that she was getting the good stuff from working while I was dealing with everything with the kids, I felt it was unfair. I felt like I could have been the one that had the job and getting all of the new stuff instead of sitting at home dealing with kids that weren’t mine. I was intimidated to tell her how I felt because I knew that she didn’t want to have to come back home after having so much fun working. I didn’t want to take that pleasure away from her, nor have her feel like she has no purpose other than raising kids. But I let my mouth overload my ass one day while I was talking to her, and she found out. As hard as I tried not to, sometimes things just happen.
I explained to her that it was time for me to move out and do my own thing. I wanted to be able to go out with friends, have money, and do what I wanted with no one’s permission or having to work around someone else’s schedule. So in October, around the same time I told her, off I went.
I moved in with one of my friends from a town I had previously lived in with my biological mother. She and her boyfriend had an apartment that they paid $400 a month for, and told me that I was more than welcome to come stay, sleep on their couch, live out of their hall closet, and pay $125 a month in rent. I was like ‘sounds like a damn good deal to me’ so I did.
I used her phone to talk to my boyfriend, other friends, and family. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but at least she was nice enough to let me use it.
The first thing I done was went looking for a job. I applied everywhere. It took about a week, but I got a call back from a Temporary Hiring Agency. They said to come in and they would help me out. I went in, all dressed up and pretty, ready for my job. The woman called me into her office, and was incredibly polite. She asked me a few questions, and told me that she would do everything she could to help me out. She said that she would look for me a job, and let me know as soon as she found something. She failed to inform me that the job won’t be permanent. I know you are most likely saying to yourself ‘it is called a Temp Agency for a reason’ but I didn’t know how that worked because I had never really been out before
When I got back to the apartment, I told my friend about the job. She told me what it was and exactly how it was going to work. At first I was worried, but the more I ran it over in my head I was fine with it because I was sure I would find another job to replace the temp job when it ran out.
The woman from the agency called me back to tell me that I had a job interview at the college. She said that I needed to dress nice, and make a good impression because it was a good job. She said that it wouldn’t be but for a few months, but when they didn’t need me anymore that there would be something else for me to do. Ok, fine with me as long as I have a job, right?
I go into the interview, answered more questions, and got the job. I was like ‘that was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done’
I called my best friend and told her. Her parents offered to help me get my license. I done some driving in their car, and they said that they would pay the measly 20 bucks it took for me to get it. I thanked them, and we called to set up an appointment. I got my license the next day. Thank you, you wonderful people.
I filled the place of a woman on maternity leave. I worked in student information. This is where I sorted through papers, gave students info they needed about the school, and entered info in the computer all day. It was really easy and the girls I worked with were really cool.
I loved the job. I made good money, I had a stable schedule. It was nothing too difficult for me to do, so I was able to have a life outside of work too. I hung out with my friends all of the time, and done what I wanted.
Halfway through November, I moved in with my best friend, her little brother, and her parents. They asked me to move in and said that I wouldn’t have to pay them rent, and they would help me out anytime I needed it. They only asked that I help watch their 12yr old son when I am the only one home. I have known this kid since he was born so I was completely fine with it, Her parents welcomed me with open arms and made sure I had what I needed.
I worked pretty steady until Thanksgiving came around. Only the supervisors worked during the first three days of Thanksgiving week. Everyone else had the whole week off. I thought this was awesome. I sat around the whole week doing nothing with my best friend, Went to town some, walked around the mall, ate Chinese, rented movies, bought popcorn, and had Thanksgiving with her grandmother at the RV park that she lives in. It was awesome. I had so much fun. On that Saturday after Thanksgiving, I got a phone call from my supervisor telling me that I didn’t have to come in Monday or Tuesday. I asked why and she simply said that I wasn’t needed. So I laid around and done nothing until Wednesday came around. I got up, went to work, and got let off early. I have always been fine with getting out of school early, but I didn’t get paid at school. I went to my best friends moms’ department to ask her what was going on. She told me that with the work at the college slowing down, I needed to start saving my money for when I no longer had a job. I questioned this and she informed me that I would most likely be let go slowly.
I was already saving a little money because I am a cheap person. I have learned from watching people I know bury themselves in debt, and lose everything they have because of not planning financially. I learned. I had about $200 dollars saved in my account. No, it’s not much, but when you aren’t making any money, it’s good to have. I went to working one day a week, and from where I was living, I could barely afford the gas. I applied at other jobs through having the temp job but I got no phone calls. I had to pay the girl that I lived with first, rent that I owed her which was $125. I had to pay back all of the people who helped me along the way, before I didn’t have the money to pay them back. By the time I did I had 5 dollars and some change left in my account. I owed my friend half of the cell phone bill, and I ended up asking my parents to send me the money because I didn’t want to owe anyone anything. I withdrew my little $5 and closed my banking account so that I didn’t tempt myself with going into debt further.
I called my supervisor, told her I couldn’t afford to travel to work, and that I needed to quit. She understood. (I think they done this on purpose, but oh well) so I was out of a job. I spent my last $36 paycheck on gas money, and shampoo, body wash, and lotion (necessities). That was my favorite part.
Everything started stressing me out. I was having trouble talking to my boyfriend because I didn’t have my own cell phone and in early December, he no longer had his. Things were starting to turn rotten for me. I started to stay upset and stressed so I borrowed my best friends’ phone and made a phone call.
I moved back in with my parents’ right before Christmas. My best friend and her family dropped me off at the house I lived in when we met. My parents weren’t home, only my brother, but even him I was glad to see. I said my goodbye’s, gave them my thanks and told them I would see them again soon for a visit.
It was good to be home.
I had a blast while I was out on my own. I loved doing everything by myself, and not having to listen to someone tell me what I should or should not do. I loved it, but I’m just not ready. I still need help from my family, and thank God that they are still here for me. I need to get another job, one that isn’t temporary, and save up for college. I have wanted to go to college since I got out of school but I haven’t been able to for some personal reasons. For now, I am back at my sisters’ house. She doesn’t have a job anymore so I have someone to talk to. I am waiting for her and her husband to go and come back from their anniversary trip in Feb. to get a job. She told me that they will help me out as much as possible until I can get working and get on my feet, as long as I watch the kids the week that they are gone(which means they will end up eating all of the wrong things, and I will give in anytime my niece asks for something because I am a sucker). I love my sister.
Until then, I have become a reviewer for sex toys, and I plan on making the best of my time off.
I turned 18 in June of the following year. I have just graduated high school 12 days earlier, on my sisters birthday. I still lived with my sister, and was babysitting her kids and doing housework while she worked, to pay her back for me living there. As in, she was paying for my cell phone, my WoW (World of Warcraft) account every month, my use of internet, food, electricity, and of course their house, which I was also living in. Yes I agree, that’s a damn good deal right? I mean seriously, how many 18 yr olds would love to lay around all day and do nearly nothing but have everything. 90% of them! I’m part of that 10% that doesn’t want it. I wanted to get out, get a job and do things my way. Learning and living. I wanted to do things myself, and get things myself. I seen it as; if I had a job, I could buy my own stuff, save up and get out on my own. This is the one thing I want more than anything. I wanted to have a vehicle, and I wanted to have my own place so that I didn’t have to ask anyone’s permission to do anything, ever. I was 18 years old, I never got to go do anything with my friends because I didn’t have any money, I didn’t have my license, I didn’t have a vehicle, nor the time to do it because I was always babysitting. Yes, I had a phone, and a game that I could play to kind of keep me entertained (because my bf played the same game), but I wasn’t happy. I was content, but I lost myself taking care of kids, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, and playing an interactive game online. I wasn’t fun anymore. I had then realized why my superwoman of a sister asked if it was ok that she got a job to get out of the house.
At first, I was fine. I have always been a pretty happy person who likes to have fun not matter what else is going on. I joked around, laughed, played with the kids all the time. But I became bored. It seemed so routine and I hated it. My sister would get home from work with her new things from shopping, and I thought it was awesome, but then found that I began to think that she was rubbing it in my face what she got to do while I was home watching her kids. She didn’t mean it that way, and I know that, it just felt like it. I felt limited to everything else from the outside world, and then to see that she was getting the good stuff from working while I was dealing with everything with the kids, I felt it was unfair. I felt like I could have been the one that had the job and getting all of the new stuff instead of sitting at home dealing with kids that weren’t mine. I was intimidated to tell her how I felt because I knew that she didn’t want to have to come back home after having so much fun working. I didn’t want to take that pleasure away from her, nor have her feel like she has no purpose other than raising kids. But I let my mouth overload my ass one day while I was talking to her, and she found out. As hard as I tried not to, sometimes things just happen.
I explained to her that it was time for me to move out and do my own thing. I wanted to be able to go out with friends, have money, and do what I wanted with no one’s permission or having to work around someone else’s schedule. So in October, around the same time I told her, off I went.
I moved in with one of my friends from a town I had previously lived in with my biological mother. She and her boyfriend had an apartment that they paid $400 a month for, and told me that I was more than welcome to come stay, sleep on their couch, live out of their hall closet, and pay $125 a month in rent. I was like ‘sounds like a damn good deal to me’ so I did.
I used her phone to talk to my boyfriend, other friends, and family. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but at least she was nice enough to let me use it.
The first thing I done was went looking for a job. I applied everywhere. It took about a week, but I got a call back from a Temporary Hiring Agency. They said to come in and they would help me out. I went in, all dressed up and pretty, ready for my job. The woman called me into her office, and was incredibly polite. She asked me a few questions, and told me that she would do everything she could to help me out. She said that she would look for me a job, and let me know as soon as she found something. She failed to inform me that the job won’t be permanent. I know you are most likely saying to yourself ‘it is called a Temp Agency for a reason’ but I didn’t know how that worked because I had never really been out before
When I got back to the apartment, I told my friend about the job. She told me what it was and exactly how it was going to work. At first I was worried, but the more I ran it over in my head I was fine with it because I was sure I would find another job to replace the temp job when it ran out.
The woman from the agency called me back to tell me that I had a job interview at the college. She said that I needed to dress nice, and make a good impression because it was a good job. She said that it wouldn’t be but for a few months, but when they didn’t need me anymore that there would be something else for me to do. Ok, fine with me as long as I have a job, right?
I go into the interview, answered more questions, and got the job. I was like ‘that was one of the easiest things I’ve ever done’
I called my best friend and told her. Her parents offered to help me get my license. I done some driving in their car, and they said that they would pay the measly 20 bucks it took for me to get it. I thanked them, and we called to set up an appointment. I got my license the next day. Thank you, you wonderful people.
I filled the place of a woman on maternity leave. I worked in student information. This is where I sorted through papers, gave students info they needed about the school, and entered info in the computer all day. It was really easy and the girls I worked with were really cool.
I loved the job. I made good money, I had a stable schedule. It was nothing too difficult for me to do, so I was able to have a life outside of work too. I hung out with my friends all of the time, and done what I wanted.
Halfway through November, I moved in with my best friend, her little brother, and her parents. They asked me to move in and said that I wouldn’t have to pay them rent, and they would help me out anytime I needed it. They only asked that I help watch their 12yr old son when I am the only one home. I have known this kid since he was born so I was completely fine with it, Her parents welcomed me with open arms and made sure I had what I needed.
I worked pretty steady until Thanksgiving came around. Only the supervisors worked during the first three days of Thanksgiving week. Everyone else had the whole week off. I thought this was awesome. I sat around the whole week doing nothing with my best friend, Went to town some, walked around the mall, ate Chinese, rented movies, bought popcorn, and had Thanksgiving with her grandmother at the RV park that she lives in. It was awesome. I had so much fun. On that Saturday after Thanksgiving, I got a phone call from my supervisor telling me that I didn’t have to come in Monday or Tuesday. I asked why and she simply said that I wasn’t needed. So I laid around and done nothing until Wednesday came around. I got up, went to work, and got let off early. I have always been fine with getting out of school early, but I didn’t get paid at school. I went to my best friends moms’ department to ask her what was going on. She told me that with the work at the college slowing down, I needed to start saving my money for when I no longer had a job. I questioned this and she informed me that I would most likely be let go slowly.
I was already saving a little money because I am a cheap person. I have learned from watching people I know bury themselves in debt, and lose everything they have because of not planning financially. I learned. I had about $200 dollars saved in my account. No, it’s not much, but when you aren’t making any money, it’s good to have. I went to working one day a week, and from where I was living, I could barely afford the gas. I applied at other jobs through having the temp job but I got no phone calls. I had to pay the girl that I lived with first, rent that I owed her which was $125. I had to pay back all of the people who helped me along the way, before I didn’t have the money to pay them back. By the time I did I had 5 dollars and some change left in my account. I owed my friend half of the cell phone bill, and I ended up asking my parents to send me the money because I didn’t want to owe anyone anything. I withdrew my little $5 and closed my banking account so that I didn’t tempt myself with going into debt further.
I called my supervisor, told her I couldn’t afford to travel to work, and that I needed to quit. She understood. (I think they done this on purpose, but oh well) so I was out of a job. I spent my last $36 paycheck on gas money, and shampoo, body wash, and lotion (necessities). That was my favorite part.
Everything started stressing me out. I was having trouble talking to my boyfriend because I didn’t have my own cell phone and in early December, he no longer had his. Things were starting to turn rotten for me. I started to stay upset and stressed so I borrowed my best friends’ phone and made a phone call.
I moved back in with my parents’ right before Christmas. My best friend and her family dropped me off at the house I lived in when we met. My parents weren’t home, only my brother, but even him I was glad to see. I said my goodbye’s, gave them my thanks and told them I would see them again soon for a visit.
It was good to be home.
I had a blast while I was out on my own. I loved doing everything by myself, and not having to listen to someone tell me what I should or should not do. I loved it, but I’m just not ready. I still need help from my family, and thank God that they are still here for me. I need to get another job, one that isn’t temporary, and save up for college. I have wanted to go to college since I got out of school but I haven’t been able to for some personal reasons. For now, I am back at my sisters’ house. She doesn’t have a job anymore so I have someone to talk to. I am waiting for her and her husband to go and come back from their anniversary trip in Feb. to get a job. She told me that they will help me out as much as possible until I can get working and get on my feet, as long as I watch the kids the week that they are gone(which means they will end up eating all of the wrong things, and I will give in anytime my niece asks for something because I am a sucker). I love my sister.
Until then, I have become a reviewer for sex toys, and I plan on making the best of my time off.
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